I keep a small folder in my e-mail called “keepers.” It’s for the e-mails that I’ve received that I, well, want to keep. This is one of my favorites from a dear friend, Rhett, who passed away over two years ago….
A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with rocks, rocks about 2" in diameter. He then asked the students if the jar was full? They agreed that it was.
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open areas between the rocks. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He then asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous “yes.”
The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and proceeded to pour their entire contents into the jar – effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The rocks are the important things-- your family, your partner, your health, your children--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The small stuff."
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued "there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the rocks first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."
Rhett always prioritized and knew the differences among the rocks, pebbles, and sand. And he always had room for a couple of beers! As I was packing yesterday I ran across his mother’s telephone numbers and shamefully realized that I have not seen her or talked to her since we had lunch last spring break (a year and a half ago) when I was visiting Savannah. Rhett’s memory and his family remain one of my rocks so I will call her tomorrow to tell her that I’m thinking of them, as I do every day. I also ran across the church bulletin from Rhett’s funeral. In those few pages there were several more things that will always remind me of Rhett.
1. It was in there that I discovered one of my favorite quotes: “Do all the good you can, by all the means you can, in all the places you can, at all the times you can, to all the people you can, as long as ever you can.” –John Wesley
2. In high school Rhett wrote his rules for traveling. Here they are:
----When traveling the world you must dress like the natives. When in Europe, wear long pants and a dark shirt. If you are a male carrying a bag, make sure it is black and hang it across your shoulder.
----When traveling abroad, enjoy the food. Eat what the locals eat. Do not eat only American style food, especially form fast food chains.
----Keep your passport and money around your neck. Keep your wallet in one of your front pockets with very little cash. NEVER keep your wallet in your back pocket.
----Never let your passport leave your sight. When you shower, keep it with you. Protect it while in the shower by putting a plastic bag around it.
----See and enjoy the local sights. Make the most of your trip. DO NOT STAY IN YOUR HOTEL ROOM! Experience as much as you can!
----If anyone insults you or tries to start trouble, walk away as quickly and as quietly as possible.
----And finally, do not be a LOUD AMERICAN; remember it is their country! Do it their way and respect their land, their culture, and their people. Also, remember you are an “Ambassador of Good Will,” so promote kindness and respect.
3. This is a poem written by Rhett about three months before he died entitled “I May Never Leave Brooklyn.”
Today,
Rapidly coming on Bedford,
riding the G under and across Brooklyn,
hurdling toward Midtown,
a conductor announced the next stop
and in soothing tones
reminded the various passengers
and me
not to leave behind our fixings if we exited.
She said she hoped our day was bless’d.
Next, the meshy Parson kids alighted--
They were all teeth and aviators—
I may never leave Brooklyn.
Rhett definitely lived by numbers one and two. Although, in four months of living in England together and traveling Europe, I don’t think I ever knew him to actually shower with his passport. But, then again, I was not in the shower with him. My time abroad was enriched by traveling with Rhett. In fact, my life is enriched simply because I knew Rhett. I know there is always room for a couple of beers and the next two will be for Rhett. I think tomorrow I’ll go buy some Stella Artois as we drank that frequently at a bar in Leicester, the town where we went to school, that had pints for a pound. Too bad I don’t smoke pot anymore or I could smoke some in memory of our trip to Amsterdam with two other friends. Maybe one day I’ll recount some funny stories from that trip such as when Amy, Rhett, and I conspired to convince Ed that Amy and I had gotten a male prostitute since it’s legal. We finally had to tell him it was a joke when we also convinced him that he should get a prostitute as well. With Rhett, there was never a dull moment.
